President Barack Obama and Mexican President Felipe Calderon held a press conference at the White House yesterday and the translator really screwed up. President Calderon, speaking in Spanish said, “I would like to thank the hospitality of President Obama.” Which translated as, “I would like to see your birth certificate Mr. President.”

Some sad news today: The man who invented the ATM, John Shepherd-Barron, has cashed out.

The man who invented the ATM, John Shepherd-Barron, has died at 84. Mr. Barron leaves behind a wife, three children and his Pin number.
–The family requests that in lieu of flowers, send twenty’s.
–The funeral will take place in front of the ATM at the back of 7-11.
–In honor of his passing, all surcharges will be lowered by half.

An American rights group is suing the police in Pennsylvania for issuing tickets to people for swearing. Lawyers for the group argue that the right to use profanity is protected by the U.S. Constitution. And Joe Biden.

Remember the Octomom? PETA is paying her $5,000 dollars to display a large banner outside her home that reads, “Don’t Let Your Dog or Cat Become An Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter.” And this is a woman who has fourteen children, if anyone needs spaying...
–What’s ironic, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of her fourteen children.

A lone thief stole five paintings, including a Picasso and Matisee, from the Museum of Modern Art in Paris. The heist is worth well over one hundred million dollars. Wait a minute, isn’t Lindsay Lohan currently in France?
–Please, Lindsay Lohan, get some help.