Restaurants that rely on seafood from the Gulf are scrambling as the oil spill is affecting the way they do business. Today I had lunch at the Black Lobster.

Down in the Gulf Coast, workers began a controlled burn of the oil. Next up, an out of control burn of oil executives.

Some bad news for Floridians: It looks like the oil spill will most certainly spread to the coast of Florida. Scientist are predicting the oil will arrive just in time for the early-bird-dinner.

The president of Nigeria, Umaru Yar’Adua, has died at 58. It’s a tragic loss for Nigerians. On the plus side, check your e-mails for an urgent and confidential business proposal worth millions.

For the second night in a row, a Phillies fan hopped over a fence and ran onto the field during a game. Out of an abundance of caution, security immediately tased the Phillies Phanatic.

Lindsay Lohan has landed the lead role in a movie about 1970’s porn star Linda Lovelace. Poor Lindsay, everything in her career is going down.

A Picasso painting has sold for $106.5 million at auction. Somebody has way too much Monet.

An Alabama man has become an instant millionaire by playing a video game. The 23-year old won a video-game makers contest by being the first person to pitch a perfect game on his Xbox. The one million dollar prize is paid out over thirty years... in quarters.

George Rekers, the prominent anti-gay activist who was caught returning from an overseas trip with a male escort he hired on Rentboy.com, claims he hired the escort only to help carry his luggage.
–Ya sure. Doesn’t he mean handle his package?
– That’s just ludicrous. Everybody knows RandyBellhops.com is a far superior website.
– And by carry his luggage he means “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”