British Petroleum says CEO Tony Hayward is stepping aside and will no longer oversee the response to the oil spill. BP is handing over day-to-day operations to the company’s managing director Mr. Bob Dudley. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Dudley, do right.”

BP CEO Tony Hayward attended a yacht race in England over the weekend. When asked the name of his yacht, Mr. Hayward said, “I don’t recall.”

BP CEO Tony Hayward attended a yacht race in England over the weekend. Hayward’s yacht named “Douche Weasel” finished in fourth place.

A 56-year-old Tennessee man has won the AARP national spelling bee. The top senior speller in the nation won when he correctly spelled the word “Metamucil.”

For the very first time there are now two women working together on the International Space Station. In preparation for one day living on Mars, NASA is conducting a series of experiments into the complex rituals of woman going to the bathroom in pairs.

The Food and Drug Administration has rejected the “female viagra” pill. The pink pill failed not because it didn’t increase a woman’s desire to have sex, but because their mustache was a turn off.