Yesterday, Heidi Montag filed for legal separation from her husband Spencer Pratt. She was back in court today… filing a petition to separate her boobs.

BP’s Chief Operating Officer insists that no big underwater oil plumes have been detected from the spill. He went on to say, “It really comes down to how you define what a plume is.” Hey, you can’t spell “Big Plumes” without BP.

BP is spending 50 million dollars on an ad campaign to improve their image. Listen, if they want to improve their image they should change their name… to Exxon.

A teacher in Massachusetts was cleaning her classroom and found a document from 1792 buried in a pile of outdated textbooks. The historical society verified the paper as Larry King’s fourth grade report card.

A restaurant in Sydney, Australia set a world record after cooking a hamburger weighing in at 178 pounds. The burger took 12 hours to cook and 30 minutes for Kirstie Alley to consume.

According to a new study, short people are at greater risk for heart disease than taller people. Talk about kicking people when they are already half way down.

A new poll shows two-thirds of Americans want criminal charges filed against BP. This is strange: The other one-third want to know what Gary Coleman’s friend “Willis was talkin’ ‘bout” before deciding.

The trial of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has started in Chicago. The judge banned Blago from tweeting during the trial. I think that’s best, keep distractions to a minimum. Besides, he’ll have plenty of time to tweet from prison.