Transocean, the company that owns the sunken drilling rig, has cited a law from 1851 in an effort to limit their liability in the Gulf oil spill. It’s called The Limitation of Liability Act. Or as Transocean lawyers call it, “No Bill, Baby, No Bill.”
Tony Hayward, the CEO of BP, has claimed the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is “relatively tiny” compared to the “very big ocean.” Last I checked, everything is tiny compared to the ocean. This guys prison cell may be tiny compared to the penitentiary.
They’re saying now that the Gulf oil spill may be 10 times worse than previously believed. This according to an on-the-scene CNN iReport Dolphin.
A recent study has proven that caffeine can help folks to make fewer errors and reduce potentially disastrous mistakes at work. BP today instituted a two cup minimum.
A recent study has proven that caffeine can help workers to make fewer errors and reduce mistakes. If this is true, why can’t the guy at Starbucks get my order right?
Anti-gay activist George Rekers, the guy who hired a male escort because he couldn’t carry his luggage, says he is not gay. I guess that’s possible. His RentBoy did say Mr. Rekers required daily massages for his Brokeback.
Ash from the volcano in Iceland, the same stuff that shut down air travel, is now being sold in sealed containers over the internet as souvenirs. BP heard “sealed container” and quickly ordered a dozen cases.
This is a bit disturbing: A Chinese astronaut who flew China's first space flight in 2003 has revealed that while in orbit, he and his crew ate dog meat.
– Michael Vick announced today he’s applying to NASA.
– What goes with dog, white or red?
– That’s the Number 5, Sweet and Sour Fido.
– That’s the Number 8 Special, Dog Chow Mein.
– Man’s best friend, tastes like chicken.
78 year old talk-show host Regis Philbin says he will have a blood clot in his calf removed next week. Performing the surgery, 88 year old Betty White.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Sarah Palin has a new book coming out in November. The publisher, HarperCollins, says the book is being written with the help of collaborators. You know what that means? Somewhere, right now, 1000 monkeys are bangin’ on 1000 typewriters.
Here in Los Angeles, The City Council has voted 13 to 1 to ban LA from conducting business with Arizona unless the immigration law is repealed. 13 to 1. The one hold out... the same guy who doesn’t recommend sugarless gum to his patients that chew gum.
Out in the Gulf, BP is now trying a special containment device called the Top-Hat, a smaller version of last weeks failed Dome. Planning ahead, if the Top-Hat doesn't stop the leak, BP plans to deploy The Yarmulke.
The Securities and Exchange Commission has now issued subpoenas in an investigation of last week’s 1000 point stock plunge. Though the agency would not identify the individual recipients, they did state that most had abnormally fat fingers.
The Securities and Exchange Commission has now issued subpoenas in an investigation of last week’s 1000 point stock plunge. Curiously, most of the subpoenas went to employees of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
A woman in South Korea has received her driver’s license after failing the written test 960 times. During her first outing, she inadvertently drove into North Korea and lost her license to be alive.
Playboy magazine’s June edition, which goes on-sale tomorrow, features the first ever centerfold in eye popping 3-D. The good news, the glasses are included with the magazine. The bad news, the centerfold is blue.
It turns out Arizona’s Immigration Law has broad support across the country. A new poll shows that two thirds of American’s support the law. The other one third, no habla ingles.
Here in Los Angeles, The City Council has voted 13 to 1 to ban LA from conducting business with Arizona unless the immigration law is repealed. 13 to 1. The one hold out... the same guy who doesn’t recommend sugarless gum to his patients that chew gum.
Out in the Gulf, BP is now trying a special containment device called the Top-Hat, a smaller version of last weeks failed Dome. Planning ahead, if the Top-Hat doesn't stop the leak, BP plans to deploy The Yarmulke.
The Securities and Exchange Commission has now issued subpoenas in an investigation of last week’s 1000 point stock plunge. Though the agency would not identify the individual recipients, they did state that most had abnormally fat fingers.
The Securities and Exchange Commission has now issued subpoenas in an investigation of last week’s 1000 point stock plunge. Curiously, most of the subpoenas went to employees of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
A woman in South Korea has received her driver’s license after failing the written test 960 times. During her first outing, she inadvertently drove into North Korea and lost her license to be alive.
Playboy magazine’s June edition, which goes on-sale tomorrow, features the first ever centerfold in eye popping 3-D. The good news, the glasses are included with the magazine. The bad news, the centerfold is blue.
It turns out Arizona’s Immigration Law has broad support across the country. A new poll shows that two thirds of American’s support the law. The other one third, no habla ingles.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Playboy magazine’s June edition, which hits newsstands Friday, features the centerfold in eye popping 3-D. 36D’s in 3-D. This ladies and gentlemen is why the terrorists hate us.
Playboy magazine’s June edition, which hits newsstands Friday, will feature the centerfold in realistic 3-D. You know what this means fellas – objects in your hand may appear larger than they really are.
Conservatives are busy bashing President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, saying her lack of judging experience is a deal breaker. To counter her critics, Kagan will fill-in this week as The Marriage Ref.
A lot of finger pointing going on today. BP is telling congress that the massive Gulf oil spill was caused by the failure of a key safety device made by another company. They’re blaming another company. You know, if your idea of safety is to “Clap Off” the oil well, you may want to rethink things.
Governor Schwarzenegger gave a commencement speech at Emory University in Atlanta on Monday in which he made a joke about Arizona’s immigration policy. He said, “I was going to give a graduation speech in Arizona this weekend, but with my accent, I was afraid they would try to deport me.” Hey Arnold, unless you do something about unemployment and the budget crisis, California is going to deport you.
George Rekers, the anti-gay activist who hired a male prostitute has fired back saying he is not gay. He’s not gay, but his Rent Boy is.
Ash from the Icelandic volcano is shutting down more airports. Seriously, this thing is spewing more garbage into the air than Joe the Plumber at a Tea Party rally.
Playboy magazine’s June edition, which hits newsstands Friday, will feature the centerfold in realistic 3-D. You know what this means fellas – objects in your hand may appear larger than they really are.
Conservatives are busy bashing President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, saying her lack of judging experience is a deal breaker. To counter her critics, Kagan will fill-in this week as The Marriage Ref.
A lot of finger pointing going on today. BP is telling congress that the massive Gulf oil spill was caused by the failure of a key safety device made by another company. They’re blaming another company. You know, if your idea of safety is to “Clap Off” the oil well, you may want to rethink things.
Governor Schwarzenegger gave a commencement speech at Emory University in Atlanta on Monday in which he made a joke about Arizona’s immigration policy. He said, “I was going to give a graduation speech in Arizona this weekend, but with my accent, I was afraid they would try to deport me.” Hey Arnold, unless you do something about unemployment and the budget crisis, California is going to deport you.
George Rekers, the anti-gay activist who hired a male prostitute has fired back saying he is not gay. He’s not gay, but his Rent Boy is.
Ash from the Icelandic volcano is shutting down more airports. Seriously, this thing is spewing more garbage into the air than Joe the Plumber at a Tea Party rally.
Monday, May 10, 2010
The Icelandic volcanic is at it again; spewing ash and effectively placing much of Europe on the No-Fly list.
New York City: Times Square has been closed, reopened and closed so often, it’s been renamed Part-Times Square.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. It was also the 50th anniversary of the Birth Control Pill. Think about it... that’s holiday nullification.
Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the Birth Control Pill. Celebrating all this week – lucky 51 year olds.
President Barack Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court today. Little is known about Ms. Kagan as she does not have any prior judicial experience. However, we do know she owns the complete DVD box collection of Night Court.
BP says the explosion on the oil rig that led to the massive spill was due to a deadly methane bubble. Embedded deep in the sea floor, the methane bubble shot up the drill cavity and exploded. Sure, blame it on Mother Natures farts.
The giant steel dome that was designed to cover the well and contain the oil leak has failed. BP is running out of ideas and getting desperate. Today, CEO Tony Hayward, put a call into Iron Man.
In Florida this weekend, Tiger Woods withdrew from The Players Championship claiming his game was hampered by a bulging disk. I know, he’s only off by one letter.
– Tiger said he does not know what caused the injury but has 121 possible ideas.
33 years after his death, Elvis Presley’s doctor has come forward claiming the King of Rock and Roll actually died from chronic constipation. You know those wild gyrations Elvis made while performing... Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
New York City: Times Square has been closed, reopened and closed so often, it’s been renamed Part-Times Square.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. It was also the 50th anniversary of the Birth Control Pill. Think about it... that’s holiday nullification.
Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the Birth Control Pill. Celebrating all this week – lucky 51 year olds.
President Barack Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court today. Little is known about Ms. Kagan as she does not have any prior judicial experience. However, we do know she owns the complete DVD box collection of Night Court.
BP says the explosion on the oil rig that led to the massive spill was due to a deadly methane bubble. Embedded deep in the sea floor, the methane bubble shot up the drill cavity and exploded. Sure, blame it on Mother Natures farts.
The giant steel dome that was designed to cover the well and contain the oil leak has failed. BP is running out of ideas and getting desperate. Today, CEO Tony Hayward, put a call into Iron Man.
In Florida this weekend, Tiger Woods withdrew from The Players Championship claiming his game was hampered by a bulging disk. I know, he’s only off by one letter.
– Tiger said he does not know what caused the injury but has 121 possible ideas.
33 years after his death, Elvis Presley’s doctor has come forward claiming the King of Rock and Roll actually died from chronic constipation. You know those wild gyrations Elvis made while performing... Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
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