Today is National Hamburger Day.
– My day is going medium well.
– A great day to get some extra In-N-Out.
– Or as Vegetarians call it – Friday.
Memorial day is here. Or as Richard Blumenthal calls it – Monday.
President Obama was in the Gulf of Mexico today for a firsthand look at the devastating oil spill. The president stood on the beach and vowed to clean up the mess. He then threw out the ceremonial first tar ball.
Legal experts say criminal charges are likely to be filed over the Gulf oil spill. This means a BP executive could wind up in jail. Prison can be rough so I’ve got three words of advice... British. Petroleum. Jelly.
The 94th running of the Indianapolis 500 is this weekend. Race officials expect record top speeds this year – the pace car is a Toyota.
Did you know this? Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol-monitoring device is called SCRAM. It stand for Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor. When I first heard Lindsay received a court ordered SCRAM, I got all excited. Unfortunately, turns out, she doesn't have to leave the public eye.
Country music legend Willie Nelson has shocked fans by cutting off his trademark long hair in favor of a new look. The new look... Bieber hair.
Here’s some good news: Violent crime went down last year all across the country. Well sure, in this economy, who can afford ammo?
An 87-year-old man is attempting to break the world pole-vaulting record. The previous record for an 87-year-old... from the floor up into bed.
A sleeping passenger was left on-board a United Airlines plane in Philadelphia for four hours after it landed. Why not, let’s just give the terrorists ideas – sleeper, sleeper cells.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Things keep getting worse for Greece. Yesterday, millions of frogs forced the closure of a major highway. Greece’s economy is so bad, even the plague is leaving town.
Hurricane season starts next week. Forecasters predict that if a Category 5 hits the Gulf oil spill... Kansas can expect tar-balls.
Almost a week after acknowledging he “misspoke” about his military service during Vietnam, a new survey shows Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal still remains the favorite to win the race. This according to a recent Pol Pot poll.
More than 100 census takers have been the victims of violent attacks this month. And that’s just counting the ones who took the time to send in their report.
More than 100 census takers have been the victims of violent attacks this month. This according to a U.S. Census Bureau census of census takers.
Have you seen this? There’s a video on the internet of a two-year-old Indonesian boy smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. “He’s almost three years old, let him do what he wants” said, Rand Paul.
Have you seen this? There’s a video on the internet of a two-year-old Indonesian boy smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. One-year-old’s think he’s cool.
Hurricane season starts next week. Forecasters predict that if a Category 5 hits the Gulf oil spill... Kansas can expect tar-balls.
Almost a week after acknowledging he “misspoke” about his military service during Vietnam, a new survey shows Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal still remains the favorite to win the race. This according to a recent Pol Pot poll.
More than 100 census takers have been the victims of violent attacks this month. And that’s just counting the ones who took the time to send in their report.
More than 100 census takers have been the victims of violent attacks this month. This according to a U.S. Census Bureau census of census takers.
Have you seen this? There’s a video on the internet of a two-year-old Indonesian boy smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. “He’s almost three years old, let him do what he wants” said, Rand Paul.
Have you seen this? There’s a video on the internet of a two-year-old Indonesian boy smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. One-year-old’s think he’s cool.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Hurricane season starts next week. Forecasters predict that if a major storm hits the Gulf oil spill... we’re all lubed.
Triple AAA is predicting more people on the road this Memorial Day Weekend than last year. Seems right. Last year drivers had to go around the Gulf of Mexico – this year they can drive on it.
Have you seen this? There’s a video on the internet of a two-year-old Indonesian boy smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. The really awful part... he smokes after sex.
President Obama is sending 1,200 National Guard troops to boost security along the US-Mexico border. Actually it’s 1199 troops and one alert Times Square T-shirt vendor.
BP is doing all it can to plug the leak in the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Obama is sending 1,200 troops to the US-Mexico border to plug that leak.
Fox News is in hot water. President Obama gave the commencement address to graduating West Point cadets last weekend and Fox altered a video of that speech to remove the students applause. It’s the exact opposite of a Rand Paul speech – where they insert applause.
Internet service provider AOL turns 25-years-old this week. I know, I couldn’t believe it either... AOL is still in business? “You’ve got obsolete dial-up mail.”
Former President George W. Bush is promoting his upcoming memoir, ‘Decision Points.’ He said he hopes the book will be a tool for historians evaluating his presidency. Or was it use historians as tools for rewriting his presidency. Like Dubya, I get confused.
Triple AAA is predicting more people on the road this Memorial Day Weekend than last year. Seems right. Last year drivers had to go around the Gulf of Mexico – this year they can drive on it.
Have you seen this? There’s a video on the internet of a two-year-old Indonesian boy smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. The really awful part... he smokes after sex.
President Obama is sending 1,200 National Guard troops to boost security along the US-Mexico border. Actually it’s 1199 troops and one alert Times Square T-shirt vendor.
BP is doing all it can to plug the leak in the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Obama is sending 1,200 troops to the US-Mexico border to plug that leak.
Fox News is in hot water. President Obama gave the commencement address to graduating West Point cadets last weekend and Fox altered a video of that speech to remove the students applause. It’s the exact opposite of a Rand Paul speech – where they insert applause.
Internet service provider AOL turns 25-years-old this week. I know, I couldn’t believe it either... AOL is still in business? “You’ve got obsolete dial-up mail.”
Former President George W. Bush is promoting his upcoming memoir, ‘Decision Points.’ He said he hopes the book will be a tool for historians evaluating his presidency. Or was it use historians as tools for rewriting his presidency. Like Dubya, I get confused.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sarah Palin, referring to her own treatment in the media, said Rand Paul is finding out what it feels like to be her. One big difference – Rand Paul is Going Rogue-ier.
Lindsay Lohan was back in court yesterday. As part of her probation, the judge ordered her to wear an alcohol detection device. Strapped to her ankle is Kiefer Sutherland.
British Petroleum says it is doing “all it can” to stop the Gulf oil spill. Well, obviously not all it can. They haven’t tried stuffing BP executives into the leak yet.
A 24-year-old man in Montana was arrested twice in the span of five hours for drunken driving. He pled not guilty, saying his Toyota was driving.
Tiger Woods wife Elin Nordegren is seeking $750 million dollars in a divorce settlement. Checking Tigers scorecard, that works out to just over six million per hole played.
Tiger Woods wife Elin Nordegren is seeking $750 million dollars in a divorce settlement. If she gets it, her lawyer is putting her on the Wheaties box.
Lindsay Lohan was back in court yesterday. As part of her probation, the judge ordered her to wear an alcohol detection device. Strapped to her ankle is Kiefer Sutherland.
British Petroleum says it is doing “all it can” to stop the Gulf oil spill. Well, obviously not all it can. They haven’t tried stuffing BP executives into the leak yet.
A 24-year-old man in Montana was arrested twice in the span of five hours for drunken driving. He pled not guilty, saying his Toyota was driving.
Tiger Woods wife Elin Nordegren is seeking $750 million dollars in a divorce settlement. Checking Tigers scorecard, that works out to just over six million per hole played.
Tiger Woods wife Elin Nordegren is seeking $750 million dollars in a divorce settlement. If she gets it, her lawyer is putting her on the Wheaties box.
Monday, May 24, 2010
The BP oil spill is entering it’s second month now and things just keep getting crazier. Yesterday I held a seashell up to my ear and I heard Rand Paul cheering.
Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal has issued an apology for lying about his military service. He said it was wrong to suggest he fought in the Vietnam War – during Vietnam he was a POW in the Marine Corps Reserve.
A woman in Minnesota gave birth to a baby boy while driving herself to the hospital. Some people will do anything to use the carpool lane.
The director of the Minerals Management Service in Alaska is coming under fire for having a cake at a recent meeting with the words "Drill, Baby, Drill" on it. The agency director apologized, saying it was wrong to have his cake and oil spill too.
A California boy has become the youngest climber to reach the top of Mount Everest. The thirteen year-old said “it was the biggest goal of his life to stand on top of the world.” Poor kid, it’s all downhill now.
A thirteen year-old California boy has become the youngest climber to reach the top of Mount Everest. Top that Justin Bieber.
In one of the biggest art thefts in history, a lone thief stole five paintings, including a Picasso and a Matisse, from a Paris art museum. Police say the suspect is believed to be in his early thirties, dark complexion and sporting extremely ginormous cajones.
According to a new study, unattractive defendants are 22 percent more likely to be convicted than good-looking ones. Though 22 percent less likely if they wear their ski mask in court.
A Massachusetts man was taken to the hospital after being sucked into a sausage-making machine. Manwich anyone?
Out in the Gulf, plans are underway to perform a maneuver this week called the ‘Top Kill’ to stop the flow of oil. BP is confident they’ve got the right man for the job – MacGruber.
Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal has issued an apology for lying about his military service. He said it was wrong to suggest he fought in the Vietnam War – during Vietnam he was a POW in the Marine Corps Reserve.
A woman in Minnesota gave birth to a baby boy while driving herself to the hospital. Some people will do anything to use the carpool lane.
The director of the Minerals Management Service in Alaska is coming under fire for having a cake at a recent meeting with the words "Drill, Baby, Drill" on it. The agency director apologized, saying it was wrong to have his cake and oil spill too.
A California boy has become the youngest climber to reach the top of Mount Everest. The thirteen year-old said “it was the biggest goal of his life to stand on top of the world.” Poor kid, it’s all downhill now.
A thirteen year-old California boy has become the youngest climber to reach the top of Mount Everest. Top that Justin Bieber.
In one of the biggest art thefts in history, a lone thief stole five paintings, including a Picasso and a Matisse, from a Paris art museum. Police say the suspect is believed to be in his early thirties, dark complexion and sporting extremely ginormous cajones.
According to a new study, unattractive defendants are 22 percent more likely to be convicted than good-looking ones. Though 22 percent less likely if they wear their ski mask in court.
A Massachusetts man was taken to the hospital after being sucked into a sausage-making machine. Manwich anyone?
Out in the Gulf, plans are underway to perform a maneuver this week called the ‘Top Kill’ to stop the flow of oil. BP is confident they’ve got the right man for the job – MacGruber.
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