July is National Ice Cream Month. Ben and Jerry celebrated by licking each other.
Rolling Stone magazine has made Ozzy Osbourne their new health columnist for three issues starting in July. I’m guessing Keith Richards wasn’t available.
Mel Gibson is in hot water. Again. He used the N-word in a voicemail rant to his ex-girlfriend. All I have to say is “Your move, Michael Richards.”
A lock of hair from Napoleon Bonaparte’s head sold at an auction for $13,000. You can tell it’s Napoleon’s hair, the style is short and complex.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A U.S. Airways flight was forced back to the gate after maggots were found on the plane. That’s just great. Now the FAA will ban all carrion luggage.
More details are coming out about the Russian Spies. They were trying to steal our flying car technology.
A study says that 80 percent of women fake orgasms during sex. The same study found that 80 percent of men are cool with that.
The first storm of the season swept through the Gulf of Mexico. BP’s disaster plan does not take hurricanes into consideration. Of course, most people are shocked that BP has a disaster plan.
More details are coming out about the Russian Spies. They were trying to steal our flying car technology.
A study says that 80 percent of women fake orgasms during sex. The same study found that 80 percent of men are cool with that.
The first storm of the season swept through the Gulf of Mexico. BP’s disaster plan does not take hurricanes into consideration. Of course, most people are shocked that BP has a disaster plan.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Eleven people now are accused of being Russian secret spies. Here’s what we know. Ten spies were carrying out long-term assignments to cultivate contacts here in the U.S. and gather sensitive information. The eleventh spy? Steal jokes from Yakov Smirnoff.
Larry King has announced he is retiring. During his long career, Larry conducted roughly 50,000 interviews. His most famous being live from the Acropolis with Socrates.
Larry King is hanging up his suspenders and retiring. Larry says he wants to spend more time shouting at kids to keep off his lawn.
General Mills, the maker of Cheerios and other products, reported a quarterly loss of 41 percent on Tuesday. First General McChrystal and now General Mills. It’s a bad week in general for Generals.
The First International Conference on Yawning took place this week in Paris. Over 20 leading experts from 8 countries were on hand to discuss the latest important developments in the field. I’m guessing that would be covering vs. not covering your mouth.
Hurricane Alex is churning in the Gulf of Mexico. According to the National Hurricane Center winds are gusting at 80 miles per hour. Of course, BP claims 8 to 10 miles per hour.
Larry King has announced he is retiring. During his long career, Larry conducted roughly 50,000 interviews. His most famous being live from the Acropolis with Socrates.
Larry King is hanging up his suspenders and retiring. Larry says he wants to spend more time shouting at kids to keep off his lawn.
General Mills, the maker of Cheerios and other products, reported a quarterly loss of 41 percent on Tuesday. First General McChrystal and now General Mills. It’s a bad week in general for Generals.
The First International Conference on Yawning took place this week in Paris. Over 20 leading experts from 8 countries were on hand to discuss the latest important developments in the field. I’m guessing that would be covering vs. not covering your mouth.
Hurricane Alex is churning in the Gulf of Mexico. According to the National Hurricane Center winds are gusting at 80 miles per hour. Of course, BP claims 8 to 10 miles per hour.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The FBI has arrested ten people suspected of being Russian secret agents. It was an easy arrest. All ten agents were hiding one inside the other.
The confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan are underway. Critics of Kagan claim that she’s too progressive. She quickly proved them wrong by stating her policy is not Progressive – it’s Geico.
General Stanley McChrystal, who was fired last week as the commander of the Afghanistan war, told the Army yesterday that he will retire. Word is, he’s teaming up and going on the road with the Bin Laden hunter.
An 8-year-old cat named Oscar, who lost both back legs in an accident has become the world’s first feline to be fitted with prosthetic legs. Vets say Oscar should be up and making cute YouTube videos in no time.
At the trial of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, the jury listened to a wiretapped phone conversation suggesting Oprah Winfrey fill the Senate seat vacated by President Obama. There you have it, Blago was hoping for a free car too.
Jack Kevorkian, also known as “Dr. Death,” has admitted he’s afraid of dying. This is interesting coming from a guy who has assisted more than 130 people to their deaths. In related news, Dick Cheney made it out of the hospital.
It happened again. Vice President Joe Biden was heard calling a store owner a “smartass.” Although to be fair, calling someone a smartass is not a big F’n deal.
The confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan are underway. Critics of Kagan claim that she’s too progressive. She quickly proved them wrong by stating her policy is not Progressive – it’s Geico.
General Stanley McChrystal, who was fired last week as the commander of the Afghanistan war, told the Army yesterday that he will retire. Word is, he’s teaming up and going on the road with the Bin Laden hunter.
An 8-year-old cat named Oscar, who lost both back legs in an accident has become the world’s first feline to be fitted with prosthetic legs. Vets say Oscar should be up and making cute YouTube videos in no time.
At the trial of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, the jury listened to a wiretapped phone conversation suggesting Oprah Winfrey fill the Senate seat vacated by President Obama. There you have it, Blago was hoping for a free car too.
Jack Kevorkian, also known as “Dr. Death,” has admitted he’s afraid of dying. This is interesting coming from a guy who has assisted more than 130 people to their deaths. In related news, Dick Cheney made it out of the hospital.
It happened again. Vice President Joe Biden was heard calling a store owner a “smartass.” Although to be fair, calling someone a smartass is not a big F’n deal.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Three chest X-rays of Marilyn Monroe taken in 1954 sold at auction over the weekend for $45,000. The amazing thing? One of the images shows a Kennedy lurking in the background.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney spent the weekend in the hospital after experiencing major discomfort. His heart is fine, his BP stock is down.
Kentucky Senate candidate Rand Paul wants to build an electronic fence along the U.S. – Mexico border to stop illegal immigration. And get this, the fence will be underground. I know it sounds crazy, but Kevin Costner has the technology.
The American man who went to Pakistan to hunt down Osama Bin Laden is back home but says he’ll try again. His plan? Go cave to cave and flush him out with a vuvuzela.
The agency that controls Internet domain names has approved a new triple X designation. Scrabble players are in for a real shock when they log on.
Some of General Stanley McChrystal’s aides are now saying that their comments to Rolling Stone magazine were off the record. In response, Rolling Stone is going on the record saying, “bite me.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney spent the weekend in the hospital after experiencing major discomfort. His heart is fine, his BP stock is down.
Kentucky Senate candidate Rand Paul wants to build an electronic fence along the U.S. – Mexico border to stop illegal immigration. And get this, the fence will be underground. I know it sounds crazy, but Kevin Costner has the technology.
The American man who went to Pakistan to hunt down Osama Bin Laden is back home but says he’ll try again. His plan? Go cave to cave and flush him out with a vuvuzela.
The agency that controls Internet domain names has approved a new triple X designation. Scrabble players are in for a real shock when they log on.
Some of General Stanley McChrystal’s aides are now saying that their comments to Rolling Stone magazine were off the record. In response, Rolling Stone is going on the record saying, “bite me.”
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