The FBI has arrested ten people suspected of being Russian secret agents. It was an easy arrest. All ten agents were hiding one inside the other.

The confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan are underway. Critics of Kagan claim that she’s too progressive. She quickly proved them wrong by stating her policy is not Progressive – it’s Geico.

General Stanley McChrystal, who was fired last week as the commander of the Afghanistan war, told the Army yesterday that he will retire. Word is, he’s teaming up and going on the road with the Bin Laden hunter.

An 8-year-old cat named Oscar, who lost both back legs in an accident has become the world’s first feline to be fitted with prosthetic legs. Vets say Oscar should be up and making cute YouTube videos in no time.

At the trial of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, the jury listened to a wiretapped phone conversation suggesting Oprah Winfrey fill the Senate seat vacated by President Obama. There you have it, Blago was hoping for a free car too.

Jack Kevorkian, also known as “Dr. Death,” has admitted he’s afraid of dying. This is interesting coming from a guy who has assisted more than 130 people to their deaths. In related news, Dick Cheney made it out of the hospital.

It happened again. Vice President Joe Biden was heard calling a store owner a “smartass.” Although to be fair, calling someone a smartass is not a big F’n deal.