It’s almost that time of year: Meteorologists at the National Hurricane Center have released their forecast for the 2010 hurricane season... Oily.
Experts are saying that the massive oil spill could affect the seafood industry for years to come. You know what this means Catholics? Meat Fridays.
Heading into its second week and with no end in sight, the oil tragedy is driving environmentalists to take matters into their own hands. Just today, Al Gore was down at the site of the spill siphoning 3 gallons into his riding mower.
A church in Massachusetts has announced they will hold monthly worship service for dogs. Church officials said the canine congregation will be led in prayer by Saint Bernard.
Two men have been jailed in Russia for murdering and eating a teenage girl. When asked why they did it, the two calmly stated “they were hungry.” So, for these guys, prison is basically a captive all-you-can-eat buffet.
The giant containment dome has arrived on the site of the oil leak and crews are busy putting it into place. The device is designed to absorb up to 85 percent of the gushing oil. The other 15 percent will be absorbed with a giant Shamwow.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy Cinco De Mayo: The day where people celebrate the fifth, drinking a fifth. And in Arizona, taking the fifth.
Texas Governor Rick Perry has said he thinks the oil spill that is decimating the Gulf region, may be an act of God. Well, there you have it. God is not a fan of shellfish.
A Taser gun was used to subdue a fan who ran onto the field during a Phillies game Monday night. Taser A Fan Appreciation Night... it’s America’s pastime.
The world’s oldest person has died just a week shy of her 115th birthday. Her death hands the title of world's oldest person over to Larry King.
A Picasso painting has sold for $106.5 million at auction. The unidentified buyer placed the winning bid by phone. Can you imagine this guy on the phone... “Ya, I’ll take a Degas, toss in a really expensive Picasso and give me a Van Gogh to go.”
Restaurants that rely on seafood from the Gulf are scrambling as the oil spill is affecting the way they do business. Just today, Red Lobster announced that diners will no longer be able to choose their own lobster from the tank.
A former television producer who attempted to extort money from David Letterman has been sentenced. He received six months in jail, 1,000 hours of community service and the Top Ten reasons his dance card will be full in prison.
A coffee shop in New York City has started selling a $12 cup of coffee...
– The price alone gives you the jitters.
– Your coffee break will break you.
– Juan Valdez will personally make your coffee... if he can get into the country.
Texas Governor Rick Perry has said he thinks the oil spill that is decimating the Gulf region, may be an act of God. Well, there you have it. God is not a fan of shellfish.
A Taser gun was used to subdue a fan who ran onto the field during a Phillies game Monday night. Taser A Fan Appreciation Night... it’s America’s pastime.
The world’s oldest person has died just a week shy of her 115th birthday. Her death hands the title of world's oldest person over to Larry King.
A Picasso painting has sold for $106.5 million at auction. The unidentified buyer placed the winning bid by phone. Can you imagine this guy on the phone... “Ya, I’ll take a Degas, toss in a really expensive Picasso and give me a Van Gogh to go.”
Restaurants that rely on seafood from the Gulf are scrambling as the oil spill is affecting the way they do business. Just today, Red Lobster announced that diners will no longer be able to choose their own lobster from the tank.
A former television producer who attempted to extort money from David Letterman has been sentenced. He received six months in jail, 1,000 hours of community service and the Top Ten reasons his dance card will be full in prison.
A coffee shop in New York City has started selling a $12 cup of coffee...
– The price alone gives you the jitters.
– Your coffee break will break you.
– Juan Valdez will personally make your coffee... if he can get into the country.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Today is National Teacher Day. Congratulations to all teachers. This is the one day out of the school year when the dog gets to eat their homework.
The suit O.J. Simpson wore on the day he was acquitted of murder is now on display at a museum in Washington, D.C. Which is rather appropriate don’t you think? Washington D.C. is full of suits, committing crimes and getting off.
This is rather sobering news. The Gulf oil spill is so massive, the earth has been downgraded from 2/3 covered in water to only 5/8.
The oil spill is turning into a major disaster for wildlife along the coast. To give you some idea of just how bad it’s gotten, today I saw a sea turtle rubbing turtle wax on his shell.
The world’s oldest person, a woman in Japan, has died a week before her 115th birthday. She died of complications from her lengthy battle with life.
A man has been arrested in connection with Saturday's attempted car bombing. The suspect was captured at JFK boarding a plane out of the country. Authorities were quick to spot him – wearing an “I failed to bomb Times Square and all I got was this lousy T-shirt,” shirt.
Author Christopher Hitchens' memoir, Hitch-22, is due out next month. He claims that President Bill Clinton consumed pot brownies. Well sure... he probably ate them, but did he digest them?
Doctors in China report that a man has died after an eel was inserted into his rectum. The man's friends inserted the live creature as a prank after a night of heavy drinking. Come on, everybody knows, friends don’t let friends drive eels drunk!
The suit O.J. Simpson wore on the day he was acquitted of murder is now on display at a museum in Washington, D.C. Which is rather appropriate don’t you think? Washington D.C. is full of suits, committing crimes and getting off.
This is rather sobering news. The Gulf oil spill is so massive, the earth has been downgraded from 2/3 covered in water to only 5/8.
The oil spill is turning into a major disaster for wildlife along the coast. To give you some idea of just how bad it’s gotten, today I saw a sea turtle rubbing turtle wax on his shell.
The world’s oldest person, a woman in Japan, has died a week before her 115th birthday. She died of complications from her lengthy battle with life.
A man has been arrested in connection with Saturday's attempted car bombing. The suspect was captured at JFK boarding a plane out of the country. Authorities were quick to spot him – wearing an “I failed to bomb Times Square and all I got was this lousy T-shirt,” shirt.
Author Christopher Hitchens' memoir, Hitch-22, is due out next month. He claims that President Bill Clinton consumed pot brownies. Well sure... he probably ate them, but did he digest them?
Doctors in China report that a man has died after an eel was inserted into his rectum. The man's friends inserted the live creature as a prank after a night of heavy drinking. Come on, everybody knows, friends don’t let friends drive eels drunk!
Monday, May 3, 2010
It turns out most Arizonans hate Arizona’s new immigration law. But they concede, at least it’s a dry hate.
A car bomb was found in Times Square. Mayor Michael Bloomberg and the New York city police are absolutely baffled as to how someone was able to find parking in Times Square.
United Airlines and Continental Airlines are merging in a deal that would create the world's largest airline. Can anyone say “Too Big To Fly.”
Texas governor Rick Perry, during his morning jog, shot a coyote dead. Coyote, it’s what’s for dinner.
The oil spill is turning into a major disaster for wildlife along the coast. To give you some idea of just how bad it’s gotten, today I saw a pelican getting his oil changed at Jiffy Lube.
Oil industry experts and officials are reluctant to describe what, exactly, a worst-case scenario would look like for Louisiana. Well, I’m no expert, but I think it would look a lot like Katrina... only goopier.
Colorado Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo went into the bathroom between innings of a game last week and passed a kidney stone before returning to his spot behind the plate. Giving new meaning to the phrase, “taking one for the team.”
Tiger Woods reportedly had sex with 121 women while married. 121 women, or as Warren Beatty calls that, a slow weekend.
In his second outing since returning to golf from a five-month hiatus, Tiger Woods failed to make the cut. His wife did make the cut – one half of all his money.
A car bomb was found in Times Square. Mayor Michael Bloomberg and the New York city police are absolutely baffled as to how someone was able to find parking in Times Square.
United Airlines and Continental Airlines are merging in a deal that would create the world's largest airline. Can anyone say “Too Big To Fly.”
Texas governor Rick Perry, during his morning jog, shot a coyote dead. Coyote, it’s what’s for dinner.
The oil spill is turning into a major disaster for wildlife along the coast. To give you some idea of just how bad it’s gotten, today I saw a pelican getting his oil changed at Jiffy Lube.
Oil industry experts and officials are reluctant to describe what, exactly, a worst-case scenario would look like for Louisiana. Well, I’m no expert, but I think it would look a lot like Katrina... only goopier.
Colorado Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo went into the bathroom between innings of a game last week and passed a kidney stone before returning to his spot behind the plate. Giving new meaning to the phrase, “taking one for the team.”
Tiger Woods reportedly had sex with 121 women while married. 121 women, or as Warren Beatty calls that, a slow weekend.
In his second outing since returning to golf from a five-month hiatus, Tiger Woods failed to make the cut. His wife did make the cut – one half of all his money.
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