Today is Take Your Dog to Work Day. Tomorrow is National Change the Carpet at Work Day.
According to an NBC news poll, six percent of American’s still have a favorable opinion of BP. That seems high. How many times did Joe Barton take the poll?
A California couple faces child endangerment charges after they were caught trying to sell their 6-month-old baby outside a Walmart store for $25. Isn’t that awful? They could get twice that outside Target.
A California couple faces child endangerment charges after they were caught trying to sell their 6-month-old baby outside a Walmart store for $25. Finally, one item you can get at Walmart made in the USA.
According to a new report one in five women end their childbearing years without having a baby. The same report found childless woman own 87 percent of all cats.
You see this on the news? A man drifted about a mile into the Gulf of Mexico after passing out drunk on a pool float. No word yet on what Tony Hayward was drinking.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A massage therapist has accused former Vice President Al Gore of "unwanted sexual contact" involving an encounter they had back in 2006. Apparently, Al wanted his “hanging chad” massaged.
The iPhone 4 went on-sale today. One new app is called “Fire Up Your Sex Drive,” which claims to cure erectile dysfunction using sound waves. The sound waves? Barry White.
The University of Minnesota is offering a course called “Oil and Water: The Gulf Oil Spill of 2010.” Sadly, the class runs indefinitely.
At Wimbledon, the world’s longest tennis match, played over three days and more than 11 hours on the court, has finally ended. Which is great news. Six fans reported tennis elbow just from watching.
Disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff is out of prison and now working at a kosher pizzeria in Baltimore. Isn’t this what got him in trouble in the first place? Tossing dough around.
The iPhone 4 went on-sale today. One new app is called “Fire Up Your Sex Drive,” which claims to cure erectile dysfunction using sound waves. The sound waves? Barry White.
The University of Minnesota is offering a course called “Oil and Water: The Gulf Oil Spill of 2010.” Sadly, the class runs indefinitely.
At Wimbledon, the world’s longest tennis match, played over three days and more than 11 hours on the court, has finally ended. Which is great news. Six fans reported tennis elbow just from watching.
Disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff is out of prison and now working at a kosher pizzeria in Baltimore. Isn’t this what got him in trouble in the first place? Tossing dough around.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A stunning last minute goal at the World Cup handed the United States a 1-0 win over Algeria. I got so excited, I blew my vuvuzela for longer than four hours.
Utah Senator Orin Hatch wants to drug test the unemployed before they can receive government assistance. The Senator is optimistic it will take less than a month to test all the Osmond's.
Afghanistan war commander General Stanley McChrystal met privately with President Obama at the White House today in an effort to save his job. The General apologized for his behavior – then in a surprise move – took off his shoe and dumped out two million dollars in Afgan minerals.
Afghanistan war commander General Stanley McChrystal lost his job today after making comments critical of President Obama. That’s the bad news. The good news? Rolling Stone magazine gave him 24 issues for the price of 12.
Andy Rooney, the 91-year-old veteran news correspondent, says he'll work at "60 Minutes" until he dies. Or until he pulls a Helen Thomas type gaffe, whichever comes first.
Earlier today, BP formally handed over responsibility for the Gulf oil spill operation from Tony Hayward to Bob Dudley. Things are already looking up… Dudley doesn’t own a yacht.
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will host a talk show on CNN. However, the show will air on Cinemax.
Utah Senator Orin Hatch wants to drug test the unemployed before they can receive government assistance. The Senator is optimistic it will take less than a month to test all the Osmond's.
Afghanistan war commander General Stanley McChrystal met privately with President Obama at the White House today in an effort to save his job. The General apologized for his behavior – then in a surprise move – took off his shoe and dumped out two million dollars in Afgan minerals.
Afghanistan war commander General Stanley McChrystal lost his job today after making comments critical of President Obama. That’s the bad news. The good news? Rolling Stone magazine gave him 24 issues for the price of 12.
Andy Rooney, the 91-year-old veteran news correspondent, says he'll work at "60 Minutes" until he dies. Or until he pulls a Helen Thomas type gaffe, whichever comes first.
Earlier today, BP formally handed over responsibility for the Gulf oil spill operation from Tony Hayward to Bob Dudley. Things are already looking up… Dudley doesn’t own a yacht.
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will host a talk show on CNN. However, the show will air on Cinemax.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sarah Palin has gone on record saying she's tried marijuana. That makes sense. You can’t see Russia with glaucoma.
Over the weekend, BP CEO Tony Hayward went sailing on his yacht, named “Bob.” Which is a lot better than its old name, “Pelican Stalker.”
California is considering digital license plates. In addition to the plate number, the device can also display other information the driver wants to communicate… like flipping the bird.
Larry King hosted a celebrity telethon yesterday to benefit victims of the Gulf Coast oil spill. Over 1.8 million dollars was raised. All the money will go towards paying for divine intervention to make it stop.
Tiger Woods wife, Elin Nordegren, has enrolled in a Florida college psychology course on "human abnormal behavior." Topics include sexual disorder, addiction, and impulse disorders. Elin will also teach the class.
Faisal Shahzad, the Times Square Bomber, plead guilty Monday to ten counts. Nine weapons charges and one count of impersonating a real terrorist.
Over the weekend, BP CEO Tony Hayward went sailing on his yacht, named “Bob.” Which is a lot better than its old name, “Pelican Stalker.”
California is considering digital license plates. In addition to the plate number, the device can also display other information the driver wants to communicate… like flipping the bird.
Larry King hosted a celebrity telethon yesterday to benefit victims of the Gulf Coast oil spill. Over 1.8 million dollars was raised. All the money will go towards paying for divine intervention to make it stop.
Tiger Woods wife, Elin Nordegren, has enrolled in a Florida college psychology course on "human abnormal behavior." Topics include sexual disorder, addiction, and impulse disorders. Elin will also teach the class.
Faisal Shahzad, the Times Square Bomber, plead guilty Monday to ten counts. Nine weapons charges and one count of impersonating a real terrorist.
Monday, June 21, 2010
British Petroleum says CEO Tony Hayward is stepping aside and will no longer oversee the response to the oil spill. BP is handing over day-to-day operations to the company’s managing director Mr. Bob Dudley. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Dudley, do right.”
BP CEO Tony Hayward attended a yacht race in England over the weekend. When asked the name of his yacht, Mr. Hayward said, “I don’t recall.”
BP CEO Tony Hayward attended a yacht race in England over the weekend. Hayward’s yacht named “Douche Weasel” finished in fourth place.
A 56-year-old Tennessee man has won the AARP national spelling bee. The top senior speller in the nation won when he correctly spelled the word “Metamucil.”
For the very first time there are now two women working together on the International Space Station. In preparation for one day living on Mars, NASA is conducting a series of experiments into the complex rituals of woman going to the bathroom in pairs.
The Food and Drug Administration has rejected the “female viagra” pill. The pink pill failed not because it didn’t increase a woman’s desire to have sex, but because their mustache was a turn off.
BP CEO Tony Hayward attended a yacht race in England over the weekend. When asked the name of his yacht, Mr. Hayward said, “I don’t recall.”
BP CEO Tony Hayward attended a yacht race in England over the weekend. Hayward’s yacht named “Douche Weasel” finished in fourth place.
A 56-year-old Tennessee man has won the AARP national spelling bee. The top senior speller in the nation won when he correctly spelled the word “Metamucil.”
For the very first time there are now two women working together on the International Space Station. In preparation for one day living on Mars, NASA is conducting a series of experiments into the complex rituals of woman going to the bathroom in pairs.
The Food and Drug Administration has rejected the “female viagra” pill. The pink pill failed not because it didn’t increase a woman’s desire to have sex, but because their mustache was a turn off.
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