Wells Fargo is eliminating 3,800 jobs. On the bright side, it’s a great time if you’re in the market for a stagecoach driver.

The nineteen year old dubbed the “Barefoot Bandit” was arrested in the Bahamas this week. He’s accused of stealing cars, boats, planes and 126 counts of getting food service without shoes.

Sarah Palin is writing a biography aimed at 9-to-12-year-olds. Funny thing is, it wasn’t meant to be a children’s book.

Rumor has it OJ Simpson is getting married to his prison pen pal. That’s shocking. People still write letters to each other?

New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has passed away. His heart quit before it could be fired.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married soon to an orthodox Jew and everyone is trying to predict if she will convert to Judaism. And by everyone I mean Paul the psychic German octopus.

NASA is reporting that this year is the hottest on record. It’s so hot, Mel Gibson says he will continue to rant just for the icy cold reception.

There’s a rumor that the Taliban is training monkeys to fight US troops in Afghanistan. The Taliban is calling it operation “Fling Poop.”

There’s a rumor that the Taliban is training monkeys to fight US troops in Afghanistan. In response, all US troops will be outfitted with a banana.

The YMCA has officially shortened its name to "The Y.” In related news, The Village People have changed their name to “G. A. Y.”

Former Vice President Dick Cheney had heart surgery this week. Doctors say he should be up and having more heart attacks in no time.

The courts have eased FCC policy, relaxing the ban on TV profanity. This is a big F’n deal for Joe Biden.

BP says the containment cap is working and no oil is leaking into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m not saying their lying, but we should get a second opinion.