Today is World Ocean Day. BP celebrated their usual way… doing nothing!

Today is World Ocean Day. Or as BP calls it, Tuesday.

President Obama said today he wants some “ass to kick” over the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. That’s right, the most powerful person in the free world wants to kick his own ass.

President Obama said today he wants to “kick some ass” over the oil spill. Yep, that’s right. President Obama is sending Samuel L. Jackson to the Gulf.

Longtime Washington White House correspondent, Helen Thomas, is retiring after making highly controversial comments about Israel and Jews. Rumor has it, Mel Gibson will play her in the movie.

California has passed a law banning plastic bags. No word yet on where Heidi Montag plans to move.

A Los Angeles man was sentenced yesterday to four months in prison for attempting to smuggle fourteen exotic birds into the country in his pants. Customs agents grew suspicious when they asked the man if he had anything to declare and he said, “I like to poop on cars.”

A Los Angeles man was sentenced yesterday to four months in prison for attempting to smuggle fourteen exotic birds into the country in his pants. Airport customs agents confiscated thirteen songbirds and one cockatoo.