Connecticut Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal says he “misspoke” when he claimed he served in Vietnam. At a news conference earlier today, Blumenthal said he would launch a vigorous “Tet Offensive” to clear his name.

The White House plans to establish a commission to investigate the oil disaster. President Barack Obama will appoint an oil czar to oversee the spill – every six months or 5,000 miles whichever comes first.

The Coast Guard now says that tar balls found off the Florida coast are not linked to the Gulf oil spill. In fact, they’re foreign tar balls. You see folks, this is such a great country, even sludge is trying to sneak in.

Indiana Congressman Mark Souder is resigning after acknowledging an extramarital affair with a female member of his staff. Souder, an evangelical Christian, has admitted he sinned before God; putting him inline just behind the RentBoy guy.

A former Food Network chef has pled not guilty to charges he hired a couple of homeless men to kill his wife. Police say the man was depressed after catching his wife with another chef. A Mr. Boyardee.

Charlie Sheen has negotiated a deal that will keep him on the show “Two and a Half Men” for two more years. Or is it prison for two and a half years showering with two men? I get confused with Charlie.