BP has posted a live steaming video online that shows the oil continuously gushing into the ocean. It’s bad folks. I logged on and the damn thing gunked up my hard drive.

The Director of National Intelligence, Dennis Blair, is resigning next week and President Obama is busy interviewing several highly qualified candidates to be his replacement. All of them New York City T-shirt vendors.

Scientist say they are developing a longevity pill that will help a person live well beyond 100 years. That’s the good news. The bad news? Side effects of the pill include death.

A Mississippi community college is cracking down on cursing by charging students money when they utter an off-color word. Next month’s commencement speaker, Joe Biden, is set to raise over $800 dollars.

BP conceded yesterday that they’ve been under-reporting the amount of oil gushing into the Gulf. And by under-reporting they mean – what oil spill?

The Coast Guard now says that tar balls found off the Florida coast are not linked to the massive oil spill. Gulf oil is 10W40 – those Florida tar balls are 5W30.